Cloudy Days, Silver Linings

There are some days that I am just not up for it.  I am just not up to the task of adulting. I don’t feel like doing anything and I am not motivated to do anything.  These are the days that I doubt myself the most.  Yes, I am human.  I have my doubts about how I stack up, things I may need to change and what assets I have to contribute to the environment around me. I am vulnerable, sensitive, and I cry sometimes.  I worry about things, a lot of things.  More often than not they don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of happening but that doesn’t always stop me from thinking about them.  On most days this is how I think of myself:  I am quiet, average looking girl in the back of the room.  I don’t think I am ugly, but definitely not overtly beautiful.  I am not the chick you would pick out in the crowd.  But you know what?  I am completely good with that. Then there are those days I am at a loss for what my purpose is on this lovely little blue planet of ours, and I begin to question everything about myself.

I have found that if you want things to change, ANYTHING at all, you have to start with yourself. You have to believe in yourself, for yourself, and sometimes by yourself. You have to believe in your own beauty, worth, and intelligence.  You can’t depend on someone else to validate that for you. First off people change their opinions at the drop of a hat.  Do you really want your value to be constantly changing like the stock market? You also can’t depend on someone else to validate that for you because it will drain whatever relationship you have with them.  It is not their job to do that for you. You have to do that for yourself.

In those moments when I doubt my capability, who I am , what I am suppose to do, or what I am meant to be, I have to sit back and think about who I am and where I come from.  I am the product of two very strong willed people who poured and continue to pour years of wisdom, knowledge, and love into me. Not only am I their daughter, but I also have a divine Father who makes no mistakes and knew everything about me before he breathed me into being. There are days that I don’t feel like doing anything at all, but  I have to remember that each day above ground is another opportunity to fulfill my purpose, to make someone else happy, to share with others and encourage them.  For that I am grateful.

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