There seem to be more dark days than bright ones lately. I can’t seem to shake feeling inadequate, unloved, and unworthy. I am not sure where it’s coming from, but lately my past, my flaws, and all my inadequacies have been glaring at me. Every thing I’m done, every mistake…right there in my face.
And I still seem to be able to find new ways to screw things up.
I keep trying to remember who I am, what makes me so unique, so awesome. In my opinion there isn’t much. I try to be loyal, even though it hasn’t gotten me far. I try to be helpful when I can and when I feel like I can do some good. I’m smart, I hold several degrees but that hasn’t gotten me far either. I have a pretty decent sense of humor, and sarcasm is my second language.
With all of that, I still doubt.
In those times, I have to look upward and not inward, that’s hard. As an introvert I’m always looking inward. I can be my own worst enemy. There is not a person on this planet, that will ever be harder on me than myself. Then I have to remember my heavenly father who makes no mistakes and knows right where I am. He’s even so inclined to meet there, but not to leave me there. He sees me battling within myself and is the only one who can calm my inner storm.
I hear the questions, “Who are you?”, “To whom do you belong?” I have to remember who I am, not just in the flesh, but spiritually also. In His eyes, I am wonderfully made even though I can’t see it. I am blameless. I am a new creature. I am His.