There is an anonymous woman in the Bible who is often referred to as “The woman with the issue of blood”. She had been hemorrhaging for twelve years with no relief in sight. She had seen the best doctors and experts of her time and no one could help her. Could you imagine how desperate she must have felt? How worn out and anemic her body must have felt. Her condition made her unclean, unfit to come into the temple and worship. Therefore, she couldn’t just throw herself at Jesus’ feet and make her complaint. With the size of the crowd around Jesus, she knew that she could not find a way directly to Him. Eager, yet humble; full of faith and yet meek, she had to find a way to get to Him. She didn’t want to make a scene but she knew He could heal her. If she could just touch Him in some small unnoticeable way, so she didn’t cause a fuss, she would be satisfied. Yet her touch was anything but unnoticeable to Him. Her touch to the hem of His garment, along with her intense faith required something of Him. Her faith called unto Him and required Him to pour a piece of Himself out for her. Deep called to deep: Her deep faith and desperation called out to the deep and vast power within Him. A touch of faith can’t be hidden from Him.
Here am I, also a woman with an issue of blood. Those that know me well, know that I have dealt with uterine fibroids off and on for almost 10 years. Well this year it came to a head. It was to the point where I would hemorrhage, although lightly, for up to 20 days. Well that forced me into surgery to have the fibroid removed, only for the doctor to not be able to find it. I have six and the one she was looking for, was no longer there. So, the doctor figured I probably passed it, and I took it as me being made whole. Well here I am almost two months out from surgery and the other fibroids that are left behind are flaring up again. That means I am back to lightly hemorrhaging and since the previous episode I have become slightly anemic. I have to take iron on top of my other vitamins to keep it in check. My situation isn’t as extreme as this woman, yet I can painfully relate to her. It is something that makes me feel inferior and unclean. I also know that more than likely, I will never get to experience a little version of myself running around on the planet. It’s hard to give up that desire, but it’s something that I am faced with. In a way that is the least of my worries. I just want to get back to functioning normally.
As I head into the second half of this battle, l’m also willing to admit that I am a woman with an issue of faith. I believe that God can do all things and that He can do them well. However, I question if He will do those things for me. You see, it’s easier to believe that He will do it for someone else. I believe Him, but at times He has to help me with my unbelief. Do I have what it takes to completely let go and let Him handle it? Well, I found out this weekend, that I am at the end of me. He has to take over, there is no other choice. He is the only one who can work it out and I have to have faith to trust Him with it. That sounds crazy doesn’t it? How do you not trust the creator of the universe with an issue that is relatively small in His eyes? Yet, we are all guilty of it everyday. We don’t feel like He is moving fast enough or in the direction that we would like, so we try to help Him out. Somehow we feel like that if we keep worrying about it, if we keep our hands on it, we can help steer. Here’s the thing, He was all powerful, all knowing, all seeing, and all feeling before we ever came to be. He doesn’t need us, but we need Him.
God, so here I am, at the end of me. Work it out in whatever way You see fit. Whether it involves a more permanent solution, or healing. I’ve taken my hands off. Guide me, give me peace, and help my unbelief.